The Judge
This story is so good I almost dont even want to write a blog about it, as I might not be able to do last night´s experience justice. Hopefully you remember my entry about Reinas a while back. The Reina phenomenom here in Ecuador is amazing, almost obsessed, and last night I got to experience the beast head on. I present to you Judge Kane Russell. Yup. I know I know: Can´t be true. Oh it was. Last night, at Urcuqui High School I was invited to judge a Reina competition. Apparently I somehow proved to people by walking around the streets of Ibarra that I am a stellar judge of female beauty, and thus I enjoyed one of the most unforgettable memories in my life.
It all started Thursday night at dinner. I haven´t written about it on my blog till now because I didn´t want to ruin the suprise. My host mom asked me during dinner if I would be interested in being a judge at a Reina competition and I casually said yes, thinking that she was joking or kidding. However, once I found out that she was serious I doubled my efforts to make sure that she was going to follow through. One of the toughest things about Ecuador is trying to get people to commit to what they say, as all types of plans here are very tentative. I was mildly afraid that mentioning the event on my blog might jinx the whole shebang entirely. Nevertheless when my mom told me to get dressed all spit and shined, I knew that showtime was nigh. I slipped into my suit, blue shirt, tie, and dress shoes, through some gel in my hair and hopped in the car. Few words can describe my state of mind. Giddy comes to mind. I mean how many people honestly can say that they have been invited to judge a beauty contest in their lives. Plus this isn´t a casual production at a middle school. This is what the people of Urcuqui did last night. Everyone in the whole town attended the reina contest.
Quick background: Basically my host mom heard that the Reina competition at her high school needed a judge-and hopefully a male. She teaches at the town high school of the biggest suburb to Ibarra called Urcuqui. It takes about twenty minutes in a car through completely uninhabited territory. One minute you are in Ibarra with street lights and what not, then you are in a complete wasteland followed by the town of Urcuqui cropping up a ways down the road. The drive to the contest also added to the mood. Through fog and mist we powered to the school only to arrive to bright lights and loud music.
The gym where the pageant took place was your everyday run of the mill gymnasium. Think huge open space, but with stands that go all the way up to the roof. All of the windows were missing from the gym, the floor was made of concrete, but front and center stood a cat walk adorned with a sea of flowers, speakers, and a podium. Right in front of the catwalk sits a small table, with one Reina de Colegio de Urcuqui sash and three chairs. The Reina sash was covered with gold sparkled lettering. My host mom, beaming, escorted me to my seat. Left side of the three judge chairs facing the catwalk. Behind me are the stands that would later fill with probably two thousand people.
We got there pretty early and I was left to look like a dumby for a couple of minutes till my host mom came back to chat it up. However, ten minutes later the second judge showed up: The Reina of Ibarra. You might call her the second biggest Ibarreno celebrity after the mayor. She probably has to stand for five photographs every twenty meters she walks. In fact, since she is the Reina commemorating the 400th year of Ibarra´s existence she is now the proud owner of a brand new car.
Reina Paulina walks up to me and I am definitely impressed by her good looks. She was tall, skinny, curvy, and decked out in powder make up. I think Ally calls it foundation. When my host mom sees her for the first she jumps out of her seat to say hello. In her excitement she forgets to introduce me and so I calmly introduce myself. Judge Reina meet Judge Kane. ¨Is this really happening to me?¨
While we wait for the pageant to start Reina Paulina and I chat it up. Apparently being a reina is a seven day a week commitment. She explains to me that she has probably sixteen or seventeen ¨appearence invitations¨per week. She received several endorsement deals upon winning her crown and gets stopped by everyone and their mother to snap pictures. Tough life I guess, but she did get a brand new car in the deal.
Finally the next judge shows up. Turns out to be the Mayor´s chief of staff and top advisor. Reina Paulina, Counselate whatever his name was, and Kanedog. By now the stands were completely packed with people. A couple of them were so wasted that they couldn´t even stand up. You can feel the electricity in the air.
The first guy to appear on stage is the color commentator pageant master. I wish I could remember his title in Spanish, as I found it funny when Paulina told me, but let´s just call him the Ecuadorian William Shatner. He is short, with hair is either fake or relentlessly blow dried and has a voice that belongs on the radio. Later I find out that his voice actually is on the radio, as he is Ibarra´s top DJ on the airwaves.
I calmly look at my scoresheet to check out what I am supposed to do first. Turns out in Reina competitions there are three entrances for each reina. For the first entrance she will appear in the hand picked by the Reinas casual outfit. The second entrance will be in traditional dress, and the final is an evening gown. For the first entrance I am responsible for awarding a score out of five points for her dance choreography, self introduction, and command of the runway. The second entrance receives a score out of five points for brilliance of their gown presentation and traditional dance. The final entrance is split up into three categories. Five points for their beauty and brilliance in the gown, five points for the proundness of a recorded message describing why they love their high school, and finally TEN points for their ability to answer a randomly assigned question. Awesome. Fifteen points for how hot you are and fifteen for your brain. Someone has killed me and I am now on a TV show or another planet or dreaming. Plus everything is in a magical language that I dont understand. Paulina´s question at her Reina competition asked her what she would do if she found out that one of her friends was gay. She says she related something about about accepting him or her and loving them for rather than in spite of his or her differences.
Shatner now starts running his mouth. This guy really was perfect. Everytime a reina would walk out he would start his routine of how exquisite she was, how she glowed, how the angels are holding their breaths, how mountains were crumbling off in the distance under a magical sunset. Every time he fired off another metaphor about beauty he would crinkle up his nose and shake his head like a rock star trying to hit a high note. ¨Que bella, que bontia, que exquisita.¨Awesome. This guy could make trillions of dollars walking behind depressed peopleall day complementing them to enhance their mood. Plus his voice is Shatner voice, except only in Spanish.
The Reinas chose a nice urban hottie outfit for their opening number. Khaki capri pants, high heeled black hooker shoes, and a black low cut boob shirt. Turns out that each class selects one girl from each of the years at the high school. Thus the first reina is 12 while the sixth and last reina is 17. Upset possibilities are endless. What if the hot freshman stunner usurps the senior who has held the reina crown for three years in a row to spoil her last year in high school. Someone needs to make a movie with Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen twins pronto. Rein-a-Shine we´ll call it. Done.
With the urban hottie outfits on each Reina emerges from the curtained backstage and struts down the cat walk, up to the podium to announce their name, and then back down the cat walk. After that they find a spot where they put one hand on their hip, stick their but out, and casually sway until all of them come out. As the cat walk ends right in front of the judge´s stage, each reina swings her booty at the judges as she turns around. Shakira´s new song Hips Don´t Lie blasts away as the high school girls dance away. The people in the stands are going nuts every time a different girl comes out. Each announcement goes something along the lines of, ¨My name is ____ and I proudly represent the class of ´08. What´s up Urcuqui. Holler!!!!
There´s no way I am doing this justice, but stay tuned for the conclusion hopefully tomorrow.
Signing Off,
The Judge
It all started Thursday night at dinner. I haven´t written about it on my blog till now because I didn´t want to ruin the suprise. My host mom asked me during dinner if I would be interested in being a judge at a Reina competition and I casually said yes, thinking that she was joking or kidding. However, once I found out that she was serious I doubled my efforts to make sure that she was going to follow through. One of the toughest things about Ecuador is trying to get people to commit to what they say, as all types of plans here are very tentative. I was mildly afraid that mentioning the event on my blog might jinx the whole shebang entirely. Nevertheless when my mom told me to get dressed all spit and shined, I knew that showtime was nigh. I slipped into my suit, blue shirt, tie, and dress shoes, through some gel in my hair and hopped in the car. Few words can describe my state of mind. Giddy comes to mind. I mean how many people honestly can say that they have been invited to judge a beauty contest in their lives. Plus this isn´t a casual production at a middle school. This is what the people of Urcuqui did last night. Everyone in the whole town attended the reina contest.
Quick background: Basically my host mom heard that the Reina competition at her high school needed a judge-and hopefully a male. She teaches at the town high school of the biggest suburb to Ibarra called Urcuqui. It takes about twenty minutes in a car through completely uninhabited territory. One minute you are in Ibarra with street lights and what not, then you are in a complete wasteland followed by the town of Urcuqui cropping up a ways down the road. The drive to the contest also added to the mood. Through fog and mist we powered to the school only to arrive to bright lights and loud music.
The gym where the pageant took place was your everyday run of the mill gymnasium. Think huge open space, but with stands that go all the way up to the roof. All of the windows were missing from the gym, the floor was made of concrete, but front and center stood a cat walk adorned with a sea of flowers, speakers, and a podium. Right in front of the catwalk sits a small table, with one Reina de Colegio de Urcuqui sash and three chairs. The Reina sash was covered with gold sparkled lettering. My host mom, beaming, escorted me to my seat. Left side of the three judge chairs facing the catwalk. Behind me are the stands that would later fill with probably two thousand people.
We got there pretty early and I was left to look like a dumby for a couple of minutes till my host mom came back to chat it up. However, ten minutes later the second judge showed up: The Reina of Ibarra. You might call her the second biggest Ibarreno celebrity after the mayor. She probably has to stand for five photographs every twenty meters she walks. In fact, since she is the Reina commemorating the 400th year of Ibarra´s existence she is now the proud owner of a brand new car.
Reina Paulina walks up to me and I am definitely impressed by her good looks. She was tall, skinny, curvy, and decked out in powder make up. I think Ally calls it foundation. When my host mom sees her for the first she jumps out of her seat to say hello. In her excitement she forgets to introduce me and so I calmly introduce myself. Judge Reina meet Judge Kane. ¨Is this really happening to me?¨
While we wait for the pageant to start Reina Paulina and I chat it up. Apparently being a reina is a seven day a week commitment. She explains to me that she has probably sixteen or seventeen ¨appearence invitations¨per week. She received several endorsement deals upon winning her crown and gets stopped by everyone and their mother to snap pictures. Tough life I guess, but she did get a brand new car in the deal.
Finally the next judge shows up. Turns out to be the Mayor´s chief of staff and top advisor. Reina Paulina, Counselate whatever his name was, and Kanedog. By now the stands were completely packed with people. A couple of them were so wasted that they couldn´t even stand up. You can feel the electricity in the air.
The first guy to appear on stage is the color commentator pageant master. I wish I could remember his title in Spanish, as I found it funny when Paulina told me, but let´s just call him the Ecuadorian William Shatner. He is short, with hair is either fake or relentlessly blow dried and has a voice that belongs on the radio. Later I find out that his voice actually is on the radio, as he is Ibarra´s top DJ on the airwaves.
I calmly look at my scoresheet to check out what I am supposed to do first. Turns out in Reina competitions there are three entrances for each reina. For the first entrance she will appear in the hand picked by the Reinas casual outfit. The second entrance will be in traditional dress, and the final is an evening gown. For the first entrance I am responsible for awarding a score out of five points for her dance choreography, self introduction, and command of the runway. The second entrance receives a score out of five points for brilliance of their gown presentation and traditional dance. The final entrance is split up into three categories. Five points for their beauty and brilliance in the gown, five points for the proundness of a recorded message describing why they love their high school, and finally TEN points for their ability to answer a randomly assigned question. Awesome. Fifteen points for how hot you are and fifteen for your brain. Someone has killed me and I am now on a TV show or another planet or dreaming. Plus everything is in a magical language that I dont understand. Paulina´s question at her Reina competition asked her what she would do if she found out that one of her friends was gay. She says she related something about about accepting him or her and loving them for rather than in spite of his or her differences.
Shatner now starts running his mouth. This guy really was perfect. Everytime a reina would walk out he would start his routine of how exquisite she was, how she glowed, how the angels are holding their breaths, how mountains were crumbling off in the distance under a magical sunset. Every time he fired off another metaphor about beauty he would crinkle up his nose and shake his head like a rock star trying to hit a high note. ¨Que bella, que bontia, que exquisita.¨Awesome. This guy could make trillions of dollars walking behind depressed peopleall day complementing them to enhance their mood. Plus his voice is Shatner voice, except only in Spanish.
The Reinas chose a nice urban hottie outfit for their opening number. Khaki capri pants, high heeled black hooker shoes, and a black low cut boob shirt. Turns out that each class selects one girl from each of the years at the high school. Thus the first reina is 12 while the sixth and last reina is 17. Upset possibilities are endless. What if the hot freshman stunner usurps the senior who has held the reina crown for three years in a row to spoil her last year in high school. Someone needs to make a movie with Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen twins pronto. Rein-a-Shine we´ll call it. Done.
With the urban hottie outfits on each Reina emerges from the curtained backstage and struts down the cat walk, up to the podium to announce their name, and then back down the cat walk. After that they find a spot where they put one hand on their hip, stick their but out, and casually sway until all of them come out. As the cat walk ends right in front of the judge´s stage, each reina swings her booty at the judges as she turns around. Shakira´s new song Hips Don´t Lie blasts away as the high school girls dance away. The people in the stands are going nuts every time a different girl comes out. Each announcement goes something along the lines of, ¨My name is ____ and I proudly represent the class of ´08. What´s up Urcuqui. Holler!!!!
There´s no way I am doing this justice, but stay tuned for the conclusion hopefully tomorrow.
Signing Off,
The Judge
posted by ecuadortraveler at 3:34 PM
1 Comments:
My brother, a beauty contest judge. Never in a million years. Looking forward to the finale.
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