The Traveler´s Guide to the Galapagos

Think about the number 42 real hard. Do you see the magical properties that are thus contained within? Do you see how to Hitchike the galaxy? We don´t either. In fact the only thing we can think of is that 42 is the atomic number of molybdenum, and since you cannot hitchike to the Galapagos Islands, We are going to provide an in-depth guide on how to survive in one of the world´s truly unique places.

Located about 650 miles off the western coast of Ecuador, the Galapagos Islands are most famous for their connection to the famous Charles Darwin. Around the middle of the 19th century Darwin embarked on a boat called the Beagle to investigate the flora and fauna of planet earth. He stumbled upon the Galapagos Islands and about 40 years later penned a little novela some call the ¨Origin of Spieces.¨ Whether or not you think females have spawned from rib bones, microbes, or extraterrestrials, you have to admit that Darwin´s book has made an impact on modern thought. Regardless, Darwin´s thought process stemmed from observing the 12 or so spieces of Finches endemic to the islands. Darwin noticed that many of the Finches had adapted peculiarities in their beaks, which seemed to be the result of a slowly changing biological process.

Interesting stuff huh? Well now that you have the background you are probably all set to go-

Holdahn. Holdahn. The name of the hurricane is ¨Hurricane Galapagos¨, and thus you cannot embark before understanding the following survival tips:

1) Your naturalist will be just like every other naturalist: bare footed, tree hugging, and will never permit you to stray ¨away from the path. ¨ If you stray from the path you will be castigated with a firm verbal warning. The naturalist also might make you stay on the boat, but that doesn´t mean you cannot kick the naturalist´s behind from here to next Sunday in a boxing match*

2)Don´t expect to see any finches. You might see only two if you follow the national park rules, but don´t fret. Darwin was a truant that ¨strayed from the path.¨Evolution is a screwed up theory anyway.**

3) Don´t forget to bring construction paper, crayons, and glue because you are going to be ¨making a snorkeling activity¨many times during your trip.***

4) Bring your camera because you are going to see tons of boobies. The Galapagos has more boobies than every strip club in Las Vegas. Combined. In fact, after sailing the Galapagos make sure to buy your t-shirts that display such gems as, ¨Galapagos: I love boobies¨, ¨Galapagos: I want to see big boobies¨, and ¨Get your boobies Galapagos style.¨****

5) Under water Sea Lions are show offs who think they are really cool. Show´em who´s boss by running around on land, sticking out your toungue, and yelling ¨Nanna-nanna-boo-boo.¨*****

6) Galapagos is actually a French Word that means, ¨Watch animals have sex.¨ Don´t forget to bring your ID that says you are over 17 years old so that you can be permitted to enter the national park.******

7) Beware the dreaded onset of ¨Camerenis envy.¨To avoid such a ghastly outcome be sure to caress your camera constantly. Hold it lovingly. Buy it a case that is much too big for its size. If all else fails, don´t forget to remind you camera that, ¨It´s not the size of the ship, but the notion of shutter motion.¨*******

8) The Galapagos food is absolutely delicious. Make sure you bring a hearty appetite!********

9) The snorkeling and hiking you will do in the Galapagos is absolutely spectacular. You will not believe the things you see and do, and how happy you will be that you went. *********

*Note: (Unbelievable how some professions attract certain types of people).

**Note: (Darwin couldn´t have chosen a harder bird to find. I literally saw two on my whole trip and only for a fleeting second. Very strange).

***Note: (You can probably imagine the difficulty of learning a language where the verb ¨hacer¨ has exactly two translations: ¨To Make¨ and ¨To Do.¨ About a month ago a student was excited to ¨do his new friends¨ when he moved south to start his studies at the University).

****Note: (Some rocket scientist decided to name one of the Galapagos´s endemic bird speices the ¨boobie.¨ Galapagos Boobies have electric blue floppy feet and are everywhere)

*****Note: (Swimming with sea lions is one of the coolest things I have ever done. They are incredible in the water with their acrobatics and skills. Above all else they playful. They chase you around under water, chew on your flippers and everything. It was AWESOME. However, on land sea lions are a completely different story. They either sleep or waddle around like someone who is so comfortable that they want to make only the minimum effort to belly slide across the floor to get the remote control and change the channel).

******Note: (It´s incredible how close you can get to the animals. Since they haven´t had predators for all of eternity they literally do not care if you get up two inches away from their face to take their picture. It´s absolutely stunning. On top of that they engage in every normal activity that becomes people completely comfortable in their environment. I saw boobies and later penguins having sex. I also witnessed an iguana and later a turtle rip enormously loud farts. I even had the pleasure of seeing a penguin poop on a person´s head who was getting a little too close for their perfect close up).

*******Note: (You cannot believe the things that some people trek around the Galapagos Islands. I had a decent CoolPix digi cam, and felt like a total wus. People shlepped around entire camera set-ups: tripods, extra lenses, video cameras, those weird aluminum discs to get the perfect lighting. Absolutely hilarious. In fact if an animal from the Galapagos would only recognize a person outside of the Islands if that person was standing in the street and an entire RadioShack fell on their head).

********Note: (Bring lots of toilet paper).

*********Note: (Pretty much perfectly said. It´s truly an amazing place).